Benefits of Meditation in the workplace
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Duration : 0:4:7
Backlash
Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no to or who I stopped allowing to walk all over me.
Selfish and bitch/bastard are commonly used to manipulate people into retuning to their more giving ways.
Depending on their situations, people have varied perspectives about situations, and words. I’ve been called a bitch for taking care of myself so many times that my first workshop was called, Be a Better Bitch/Bastard. A better bitch/bastard gets called a bitch/bastard by someone who is frustrated about not getting their way or you speak up for yourself or set any other boundaries for what you give or do for others (NOTE: I’m wearing my Better Bitch and Proud of it t-shirt in the pic. I have a few left for $15, shipping included in the US).
Name-calling is often used as a weapon to get you to give in or as an outlet for disagreement.
I subscribe to the sticks & stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me—unless I let them mentality. Words can sting or hurt you a lot if you accept them as your truth. I wasn’t a bitch when I was accused of being one. Nor was I selfish for wanting my desires filled too instead of just always going along with where others wanted to eat, what they wanted to do, etc.
As long as you KNOW you’re NOT what a person accuses you of being in words, you’re not. Names only have validity if you agree.
This blog is about my experiences and what worked for me and my clients. I KNOW that I’m not sneaky and vindictive as Anon called me. Of course he or she is entitled to personal opinions. I respect that not everyone will like or agree with me. But it isn’t my truth. Anon gave examples of why I am those words. I’m pretty sure I know which ones they are. This is how I see it.
* In my post called Miserably Skinny I wrote that I told someone to shut up when she asked challenged my food choice. This person was always critical of my body and picked on me for ordering a burger and fries, I told her not to tell me how to eat. But when the food came, she began a lecture that in the past ruined my pleasure (and I rarely have a burger and fries and wanted to enjoy it fully!). So I told her to shut up. I’d warned her several times to keep her criticism to herself. I didn’t need advice from someone who was skinny but miserable. And despite what Anon thinks, I’d do it again to someone who doesn’t stop her verbal jabs after being told more than once that it’s unacceptable and she had no right to speak to me like that.
* The other example was from my post on Grudges. Anon said I got a kick out of something bad happening to the worker in my building who began loudly stripping floors in the apartment bedroom right above me before 8AM on a Saturday, which by the way is illegal in NY. I could have reported him to the building manager or filed a complaint with the city, which would have created trouble for him with his job. Instead I released any recourse to the Universe and let God take care of it. Right after that, our building manager denied him the time off he wanted during the holidays.
I’d much rather let God sort it out instead of me looking to hurt someone.
I didn’t get a kick out of something bad happening to him or wish him evil. But I did get a kick out of the Law of Attraction returning it to him. And I did say I got a kick out of him thinking that I was giving him a holiday gift when it was an envelope with a note explaining (nicely!) how I was leaving it to God to deal with it. He’d done other inconsiderate things but this was intolerable. I didn’t detail it in my post but he knew I was getting physically ill from all the construction noise that began before 7 AM every weekday morning. Some of you may remember that I live facing the building that had the awful crane accident 2 years ago.
This guy and I discussed how unnerving it was. He had a problem just working with constant drilling and banging and knew how much I valued being able to catch up on sleep on weekends. My doorman said he warned the guy not to work so early but he had plans for the day and only cared about finishing early. So I thought he got an appropriate result of his actions!
Leaving grudges in God’s hands is the best recourse against someone who does you wrong.
Anon said the energy radiating from my words is ugly. Oh well. Anon has chosen to unsubscribe and that’s his/her choice. I wish him/her a blessed life. I have no idea of what caused his/her perspective and it doesn’t matter. I know who I am, which really is what matters. Be careful about letting word jabs hurt you or your joy. Always remember that names can never hurt you unless you let them. I no longer let them. I know if I do wrong or put out bad energy, it will surely come back to me. Meanwhile, my life continues to grow with delight!
When you own your right to not adopt what someone else thinks of you as true, you can guide your life down a path of YOUR choice!
Do your best to do the right thing and also understand that you and people around you may see things differently and that’s okay. Don’t let others rattle your path. Everyone has issues that push their buttons when they see or hear or read certain things. I still do. It’s important to remember that their issues aren’t yours. So I’ll continue to write my blog as I choose and people can read or not read it as they choose. Getting upset about someone else’s name calling ain’t worth the bad energy attached to it. Bless them with a good spirit and move on!
If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!
Speaking in Front of a Group
I get many people to answer questions when I write my books, to find out what they think. The most common thing identified that both men and women are afraid to do is to speak in front of a group. Many would rather die that have the attention on them, whether it’s for a meeting at work, making a toast at wedding, or at a workshop that offers the chance to ask questions or give your opinion. Fear of saying the wrong thing or being received poorly can motivate avoiding these situations at all costs.
When you dodge speaking in front of a group because you’re scared, you can miss out on good opportunities.
In my DoorMat days I’d go to any lengths not to speak to more than one person at a time. Bigger groups intimidated me and my lips would feel crazy glued together. I was so insecure that I couldn’t imagine speaking without stumbling over my words or saying something stupid. I’d be at a panel and think something good to say. Others seemed to have it easy going up to the mic and chatting with the panelists. But, as I thought about raising my hand, my mouth would get dry and my heart beat so fast from fear that I couldn’t imagine how I’d get the words out without collapsing.
When I was trying to build my record label years ago, I went to a big music conference. I was on the cusp of building confidence—not yet there but knowing I had to take risks to succeed. One panel stirred some questions that I thought were provocative and would add some interesting elements to the discussion. Asking required me to explain what I was doing. I sat there, practicing what I’d say in my head, taking deep breaths to calm down and giving myself a silent pep talk. “I can do it!” In the past, I never got to the mic because I waited too long to get up. But I knew what had to be done.
Taking risks can reap the biggest rewards.
I wanted to move forward and got my butt out of the seat. Slowly, I got in line behind other people waiting to speak. Part of me prayed the panel would end before they got to me; a bigger part prayed that wouldn’t happen. I wondered if people could tell I was trembling as I continued to do deep breathing to build my courage. I’ll never forget how I felt when the guy in front of me finished. It was my turn. Too late to back out! I slowly stated my point and asked my question. People perked up and the panelists liked what I said.
Taking control of the fear of speaking up feels great when you get to the other side, even if it doesn’t got as well as you’d have liked. You should be proud of doing it at.
My rewards made it worthwhile to endure the stress of waiting on the line to speak. People came to me to say they loved what I said and asked for my card. And, a celebrity panelist—Ice-T—came over to speak to me. After that, I put a lot of thought into finding something “brilliant” to say on the mic at conferences, so people would know who I was. That led to meeting a lot of good people who helped me in my career.
People who speak up aren’t free of fear. They just push themselves to speak anyway.
People who know me are surprised that I still get nervous before being on a TV show or speaking in front of a group. It gets easier as you do it more often but for most of us, it doesn’t get easy. Speaking in front of large groups is part of my profession so I had to learn to get past the fear with steps to calm down and you can too:
• Take slow deep breaths through you nose and then ever more slowly let it out though your mouth. In any nervous situation, this can take the edge off of nervousness, slow down your heart rate and make you feel more relaxed.
• Be prepared! Know well what you plan to speak about. The more you research or read or learn about the topic you plan to speak about, the more confidence you’ll have and the better you’ll sound.
• Think before you speak. Don’t just blurt something out on the fly. I let possibilities ruminate in my head for a while before I open my mouth. I also think of ideas before I even go out. Saying something that sounds good helps you attract people for networking or making money!
• Do affirmations. I’ve been waiting for my turn to speak or ask a question and felt my insides quaking. That’s when I repeat things in my head to build confidence. “I will sound fabulous when I speak.” Before appearing on TV shows, I sometimes go to the mirror and repeat to myself that I’m really good and can make a great impression. Over and over. Damn! I really am good! ☺
• Start small to build confidence. Speak up in a small group, then at a work meeting where you can come in prepared. The more you speak up and see that the world doesn’t implode, the easier it becomes.
• Accept that everyone makes mistakes and if you stumble over a word or goof up in some way, it’s okay. Laugh and move on. People don’t remember for long, if at all. Just focus on the message you want to get across.
• Use your spiritual power. I look up and say thanks for support in sounding good when I speak. The more I feel supported, the more confident I become. I’ve put my words into the Universe’s hands and then I know I can do it well.
Lat week I went to an intro class at Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts. It’s an amazing program that pushes women to be the best they can be. They also encourage bragging and Mama Gena walked around with a mic, asking women to stand up and brag. Those who did mainly knew her already and had been through her program. There were over 250 women there. I had to speak so I raised my hand! The mic was passed to me and I gave a short rundown of my accomplishments. I got huge applause and made some fabulous contacts with women who came up to me after because of what I said.
Speaking up brings MANY rewards! Build your courage and try it! The more you do it, the more you’ll have the confidence to do it more. That confidence can carry over to other areas of your life and help you progress in your life journey, no matter where you’re going!
NOTE: I will be starting Mama Gena’s Mastery program next month and will share some of the lessons here.
If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!
Making Life Changes
It seems like if there was really a wish fairy, everyone would have something they’d like to change. Whether it’s something big, like getting a huge income increase, or something personal, like losing weight, or a gazillion other types of things, most people would love something different if they didn’t have to work for it. The trouble is, life isn’t a fairy tale and there is no wish fairy, so many of those wishes for change don’t come true. When I was a DoorMat, I prayed for the wish fairy to take pity on me and help me change my people pleasing ways but never got a response.
I finally accepted that change comes from within and then you do what’s necessary to achieve it.
It took time for me to change, since I operated in fear back then. Plus, I had no skills or resources to use to become a more empowered woman. My change began with discovering faith. I was just beginning to recognize that maybe there was a spiritual power I could tap into. So I stopped praying for a wish fairy and instead prayed for an epiphany or something to help me get started. Right after, 2 real friends (who didn’t know each other) lectured me a few days apart about how it bothered them to see how I let people treat me.
They told me I DESERVED a lot better and needed to stop giving all my energy to others and start doing more for me. I listened. It actually felt eerie to hear this from 2 different people at 2 different times for no apparent reason. Now I know that it was my prayers being answered. “Coincidentally,” a few days later I went to visit my parents for a week. After being nurtured and loved, I returned home with determination to change.
Ask for a sign to get started. It will most likely come through experiences like it did for me.
Pay attention and learn from the signs, unless you really want to stay in the place you’d prefer were different. If the idea of change unnerves you or seems overwhelming, try to focus on the benefits of handling situations in more satisfying ways, one step at a time. It’s much better than complaining without results. I know, because I was the Queen of Complainers. I may have been a DoorMat but I sure complained all the time to anyone who’d listen, except of course to people who were the source of what I complained about. Speaking up to people who hurt or angered me wasn’t an option back then.
One constructive baby step at a time makes changing easier. Instead of seeing changing your ways as major overhauls, perceive change as an accumulation of small lessons used effectively to break old habits—not who you are. Do it slowly but do it! I learned to initiate change with these steps:
* Acknowledge you need to change. The hardest step may be ending the delusion that helping others compensates for your dissatisfaction or that your weight makes you unhappy and holds you back or that you won’t be happy until you break an old habit, like procrastinating or talking too much.
* Decide you want to change: Make a conscious decision to seek more effective ways to handle irritating situations. You have to want it enough to do something more than just pray for the wish fairy.
* Pinpoint what to change: Pay attention to your habits. Assess which need breaking. Poor eating habits? Making excuses instead of exercising? Getting caught up in trivial activities that keep you from tackling important things? Interrupting people and not listening? Saying “yes” to things you don’t want?
* Decide what to change first: Pick one person or situation to start with. Make one small change. Eat a healthier meal one time. Say “no” to one person. Concentrate on finishing one task. As you change one habit, you’ll enjoy feeling in control over it. Then tackle another.
* Try different techniques: Like shopping, try on different suits until one fits properly. See which demeanor you’re comfortable with to express yourself more or turn down requests. You may need different attitudes with different people or different strategies in a variety of situations. Eating home more may help you get started on controlling your eating. Some people need a gym or personal trainer to exercise. Some find a walking buddy. See what feels best for you.
* Motivate yourself. Let painful memories inspire handling yourself differently. Usually we want to change things we don’t like. Think about why and write it down. Affirm the reasons you want to handle situations differently.
* Consciously applaud progress. Don’t wait for major breakthroughs. Celebrate each baby step as an accomplishment, even if it seems insignificant. Saying “no” to a cookie is an accomplishment for someone who normally can’t resist. I know because I love sweets and must resist the urge to pig out too often. So when I limit myself, I’m jazzed!
* Be patient. Empowerment won’t develop overnight. It takes time to get comfortable with a new approach. If you can recognize every teeny baby step as progress on your road to what you want, you can wait for the bigger stuff to come.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. “
Change begins with that first step. Take a little one and then another. You may wake up one day and noticed you’ve broken an old habit and replaced it with one that helps you become the person you want to be as a series of baby steps adds up. I still remember when I looked in the mirror and realized how empowered I’d become. So Sweet!
If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!
Law of Attraction in Action: What ifs?
This is post 70 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.
I was very lucky that a Chinese massage center opened up in the summer down the block from me. Their specialty is pressure points for healing, including reflexology, which is my favorite. The real lucky part—they’re cheap! Dirt cheap for midtown Manhattan. And they offered a grand opening promotion that sweetens the deal even more—2 free massages if you get 10 by the end of February. I had eight and planned to get one last weekend. When I began getting the massages, I earmarked an envelope for massages. I kept the little card they sign when I get one and some extra cash in it. But when I went to get the envelope for my massage, I couldn’t find it.
I looked everywhere. It wasn’t where I normally put it or in my purse from last time. I looked everywhere I could imagine but no luck. My mind immediately began to think of what I could do if I didn’t find it. I didn’t want to lose the cash in it but especially didn’t want to lose proof of my previous massages so I could get 2 free ones. I considered begging for at least some credit since I always go to the same person and she knows me. But, luckily, I caught myself.
I HAD to find the envelope! Period! It had to be somewhere. So I changed my mindset from “What if I don’t find it?” to “It’s somewhere and I’ll find it.”
A common trigger for fear is the unknown. When you know something will happen, good or bad, you can prepare a response or solution. But when you aren’t sure of an outcome, your mind can conjure up some pretty scary situations. When I was a DoorMat, I always considered the worst-case scenario, and often acted on it. I’d experience the fear and stress that would occur if it did happen, which it usually didn’t.
Or, I’d use all my people pleasing ways to smooth over what might not have been a bad situation, just in case.
I thought that if I didn’t help friend A, she might stop spending so much time with me and I’d be lonely. If I didn’t put my plans aside to drive friend B to her doctor appointment, she might never help me if I needed it one day. If the doctor said there was a small chance my fever was something serious, I suffered with a serious disease until the results of tests came in and I was cleared. I never found out what would happen if I said no to a friend’s request since I always did what they wanted. Nor did I get a serious disease.
You can suffer the consequences of scenarios that never materialize when you project what negative things could happen.
Many people assume the worst when they don’t know the outcome. The more you think and act on negative “what ifs,” the more chance of attracting a negative outcome. Focusing on bad outcomes tells the Universe you expect the situation to end badly. Guess what that attracts? People come to me asking why things never work out for them. As they talk, I can hear the worst expectations in their words.
• “I never got___and now I have ____coming up and that will probably tank too.” Surprise! None of it worked out. Negatives are easy to attract. Assuming they will happen is a mental magnet.
• “I know I’ll need surgery and can’t afford to miss so much work so I’ll probably lose my job too.” All that aggravation and he didn’t need surgery. Yet the doctor found another health problem for him to “what if?” about. The stress he created with his “what ifs?”caused problems that made him lose his job, as he speculated happening.
• “I’m going to the tropics on vacation. I bet it will rain and ruin my trip.” She won the bet. Thinking it would rain ruined her anticipation and attracted the rain that ruined her trip! I always expect gorgeous weather in vacation and KNOW there is no way there will be rain. And I alwasy have sunshine!
When I work with someone, I engage in a conversation and listen to how they perceive their life and handle situations where the outcome can be positive or negative. Then I try to get them to focus on getting what they want, not what they’re scared of. It’s natural to go to the “what if” scenario if you’ve always done it. But “what iffing” it can be controlled!
The more you focus on a positive outcome, the better your chance of getting one.
Rather than seeing it as a flaw, consider “what iffing” as a habit you can stop or slow down if you CHOOSE to. When the desire to break this habit is there, it just takes self-awareness and time. And faith! I rarely go there anymore, since my faith keeps me expecting positives. Faith is the antidote for negative expectations. Practice really does solidify it.
The more you see the Law of Attraction work for you, the more you can talk yourself down from those pesky “what ifs?”
I found the envelope with my cash and the proof of my eight massages. First, I told myself there was NO option for NOT finding it. I HAD to find it. Logically, it had to be somewhere. I wouldn’t throw out an envelope with money in it. And it was NOT an option to lose the credit for the massages I’d gotten! I said that out loud, with force. Then I drowned the “what ifs” with an affirmation—“I have the envelope for my massage.”
I used a technique that works for me. I say, “Think like a Daylle.” Where might I leave it that’s odd but so like me.
Ah!!! I’d brought another envelope that I keep in the same spot with me a few days before in my backpack and it was still there. Maybe I’d accidentally brought the massage one with it and it was in my backpack too. Bingo! After a little digging, I found it. Had I not changed my thoughts, who knows when I might have noticed it at the bottom of my overstuffed backpack. I believe that my positive intention to find it led me to it. The “what iffing” would have distracted me.
George Schultz said, “The minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose, you have lost.”
Keep your thoughts on a winning track. If your tooth hurts, assume it’s something minor instead of “what iffing” a major, expensive problem. If your boss calls you in, assume it’s for something good, not to chastise you because you did something wrong. Do affirmations to reinforce the positive spin on what will happen. ALLOW yourself to attract the positive benefits of positive thoughts. Then, relax and enjoy all the good stuff you attract!
See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..
If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!
The Historical Problem of Drugs
Drug use, overdose, and abuse have been the problem of almost every government in the world throughout history. Many Americans today view our debate about legalizing marijuana and other currently illicit drugs as a unique issue, but this is simply not the case. With about four thousand plants yielding psychoactive or “mind-altering” substances, drugs have been in use almost constantly in various parts of the world. Historically, the most often abused drugs include “cannabis, opium, coca, tea, coffee, tobacco, and alcohol.”
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The Self-Help Psychologist Is In
Many of us who try to live an examined life find something lacking, though usually nothing so serious that it requires professional help. This has given rise to an entire genre of books aimed at indulging our urge to open up our own psyches and tinker with the wiring. But the genre’s lack of scientific rigor drives University of Hertfordshire psychologist Richard Wiseman to distraction.
Change Your Brain, Change Your Life!
Today I’m delighted to have an excerpt from a fantastic new book, Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience Of Happiness, Love & Wisdom (New Harbinger Publications, November 2009), by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. and Richard Mendius, MD., which provides a Buddhist path to changing your brain in order to improve your life.
by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. and Richard Mendius, MD
I did not know I held so much goodness.
—Walt Whitman, “Song of the Open Road”
Much as your body is built from the foods you eat, your mind is built from the experiences you have. The flow of experience gradually sculpts your brain, thus shaping your mind. Some of the results are explicit recollections: this is what I did last summer; that is how I felt when I was in love. But most of the results remain forever unconscious. This is called implicit memory, and it includes your expectations, models of relationships, emotional tendencies, and general outlook. Implicit memory establishes the interior landscape of your mind—what it feels like to be you. In other words, you are largely what you (implicitly) remember, the slowly accumulating residues of lived experience.
In a sense, those residues can be sorted into two piles: those that benefit you and others, and those that cause harm. To paraphrase the Wise Effort section of Buddhism’s Noble Eightfold Path, it will help you to create, preserve, and increase beneficial implicit memories, and prevent, eliminate, or decrease harmful ones.
The Negativity Bias of Memory
But here’s the problem: your brain preferentially scans for, registers, stores, recalls, and reacts to unpleasant experiences; as we’ve said, it’s like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. Consequently, even when positive experiences outnumber negative ones, the pile of negative implicit memories naturally grows faster. Then the background feeling of what it feels like to be you becomes undeservedly glum and pessimistic.
Sure, negative experiences do have benefits: loss opens the heart, remorse provides a moral compass, anxiety alerts you to threats, and anger spotlights wrongs that should be righted. But do you really think you’re not having enough negative experiences?! Emotional pain with no benefit to yourself or others is pointless suffering. And pain today breeds more pain tomorrow. For instance, even a single episode of major depression can reshape circuits of the brain to make future episodes more likely.
The remedy is not to suppress negative experiences; when they happen, they happen. Rather, it is to foster positive experiences—and in particular, to really take them in so they become a permanent part of you.
INTERNALIZING THE POSITIVE
Here’s how, in three steps:
1. Turn positive facts into positive experiences. Good things keep happening all around us, but much of the time we don’t notice them; even when we do, we hardly feel them. Someone is nice to you, you see an admirable quality in yourself, a flower is blooming, you finished a difficult project—and it all just rolls by. Instead, actively look for good news, particularly the little stuff of daily life: the faces of children, the smell of an orange, a memory from a happy vacation, a minor success at work, and so on. Whatever positive facts you find, bring a mindful awareness to them—open up to them and let them affect you. It’s like sitting down to a banquet: don’t just look at it—dig in!
2. Savor the experience. It’s delicious! Make it last by staying with it for 5, 10, even 20 seconds; don’t let your attention skitter off to something else. Focus on your emotions and body sensations, since these are the essence of implicit memory. Let the experience fill your body and be as intense as possible. For example, if someone is good to you, let the feeling of being cared about bring warmth to your whole chest.
Pay particular attention to the rewarding aspects of the experience—for example, how good it feels to get a great big hug from someone you love. Focusing on these rewards increases dopamine release, which makes it easier to keep giving the experience your attention, and strengthens its neural associations in implicit memory. You’re not doing this to cling to the rewards—which would make you suffer—but rather to internalize them so that you carry them inside you and don’t need to reach for them in the outer world.
The longer that something is held in awareness and the more emotionally stimulating it is, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in memory (Lewis 2005). While you’re savoring an experience, your amygdala is busily highlighting its positive emotional meaning for your hippocampus, which integrates that information into its packaging of the experience for storage in long-term memory.
You can also intensify an experience by deliberately enriching it. For example, if you are savoring a relationship experience, you could call up other feelings of being loved by others, which will help stimulate oxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—and deepen your sense of relatedness. Or you could strengthen your feelings of satisfaction after completing a demanding project by thinking about some of the challenges you had to overcome.
3. Imagine or feel the experience is sinking deeply into your mind and body, like warm sun into a T-shirt, water into a sponge, or a jewel placed in a treasure chest in your heart. Keep relaxing your body and absorbing the emotions, sensations, and thoughts of the experience.
——————–
Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and meditation teacher. A summa cum laude graduate of the University of California, Los Angeles, he cofounded the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and edits the Wise Brain Bulletin. http://www.wisebrain.org Check out Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience Of Happiness, Love & Wisdom if you want to take more control of your life in a mindful way by learning more tips like the ones in this excerpt. This has a Buddhist approach, which I fully agree with, because it focuses on your inner well-being, which radiates out to all th eareas of your life. I’ll be reviewing this book next month.
If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!
Law of Attraction in Action: Eating
This is post 62 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.
As the holiday season approaches, I thought eating was a good topic, since many of us will do a lot of it. ☺ We try not to. Resolve to be strong. But then the temptation and scents of yummies weaken us. So we indulge. And indulge. And then often lament and come down on ourselves hard after. It’s better to put eating into perspective so you can enjoy it more. Food is to be enjoyed.
You can ruin a good pig-out with regret and self-scolding.
Eating is normal. We all need to do it. Of course eating to excess, like I’ll probably do on Thursday, isn’t something to do regularly, but splurges are fun on holidays! Guilt isn’t. Yet so I see or hear from so many people who afflict self-wounds by denying themselves the pleasure of good eating or by eat the fattening goodies and then berating themselves so much that all pleasure is squashed.
The Law of Attraction hears you put yourself down for indulging in yummy excess or lamenting about how fat you are so you must be good.
All this attracts unhappiness for sure. And, it says you expect to get fat from one meal or that a splurge will ruin your body, both of which aren’t true unless you make it so. The Law of Attraction takes those thoughts and supports them coming true. When I had those kind of fat thoughts, I did gain weight more easily and then things prevented me from taking the weight off.
Hello! If you EXPECT to gain weight and EXPECT to feel fat, you probably will!
As I relaxed about my body and eating, a funny thing happened. I gained less during pig-outs and it came off easier. When I was a DoorMat, I hated my body and saw myself as fat. I swear, if I ate a piece of pie I could see it in my stomach area right after so all the joy of a special dinner would go right out the window. The more I’d lament that I was a big fat pig, the more weight I gained. Now I know I was affirming it.
Today I enjoy my food thoroughly and tell the Universe I’m not worried about gaining weight, at least not permanently. And I don’t!
If you approach a holiday meal with thoughts of “I’m so fat,” “What a pig I am,” “I hate myself for eating well at the dinner,” “I’m bad for wanting another piece of cake,” you send a message of self-loathing. You also say you EXPECT to gain weight, instead of believing, like I do, that a splurge can come off fast with some exercise and healthier eating after. And it does for me!
When you love yourself and accept your body with love, weight comes off. I put it out that I EXPECT my body to be the same a few days after holiday eating, and it is.
Self-loathing attracts more to loath. It puts out fat expectations that come to pass. Self-love somehow helps the body to relax and attract easier weight loss. Body loathing attracts weight gain. Of course I try to eat in moderation after pigging out and I also do more exercise if I can. But I no longer worry about it.
Worrying tells the Universe you don’t trust that your body will survive holiday eating.
Self-loathing attracts more self-loathing. Self-love attracts more self-love and sets up a vibration for you to survive holiday eating and still feel good about yourself. Of course you don’t want to totally lose control. That’s just common sense. I leave on Wednesday to spend 4 days at my sister’s house in the Berkshire Mountains of Connecticut. My sister loves to entertain and is a fabulous cook. So I know I’ll have to exert some constraint. But I also know I’ll be pigging out a lot too! I’m bringing my sneakers and will do some power-walking and running to burn off some calories. And if necessary, I’ll be more vigilant about my eating for a while when I return.
Pigging out for days does bring weight gain, no matter how vigilant you are. I don’t expect the Universe to completely pardon me if I over-indulge for 4 days.
So I’ll do what I can to prepare for it in advance. While I will eat the fattening foods I love, I’ll do what I can to stay in some loose control of my eating. This is more because I love myself enough to want to remain healthy. Eating an overabundance of fat and sugar isn’t good for me and I’ll respect that. Plus, after days of that I don’t feel well and I like to feel well! Turkey day will be forgiving and I’ll eat what I want. Then I’ll set some boundaries, while still enjoying the good food.
My message to the Universe: I deserve to enjoy a pig-out without hurting my body but I also love myself enough to take care of me.
Everything in moderation after the big dinner shows that intention. But it’s done out of self-love, not self-loathing or hating my body. I just began adding chia seeds to my diet. They’re known as the super food of the Amazon for their dense nutritional value. They also make me feel fuller so I don’t want to eat as much. I’ll have them with me to try to keep my pig-outs in control. With it all, I EXPECT to keep my weight stable, and attract things to help me balance the eating. I’m lucky that I burn more calories in the thinner mountain air.
Relax and enjoy a good meal when the opportunity arises. Don’t taint it with guilt or anger about it. That’s an act of self-love, which attract good things.
Then take better care to eat more healthy and exercise to burn some of it off. You only live once. Show the Universe you love yourself enough to splurge and enjoy and enough to then take control. I already know that by the end of next week, my scale will be where it was this morning. When you relax and EXPECT to not have long-term weight gain, it’s easier to enjoy the holidays, and to keep your weight in check.
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